Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations Quotes

Turnabout Memories

 * Sungwon: It's been a while. Alex: Yeah, I know. I don't even remember anything about Phoenix Wright. Sungwon: Oh. Well, he's a pointy guy, in a lot of ways.
 * Grossberg: This is your first time in the Big Leagues, isn't it? Mia: No, we're in a courtroom. Grossberg: No, it's gonna turn into a baseball thing. Mia: Oh god, again?! Grossberg: April Fool's, bitch.
 * Mia: Right, Mr... hehe... Wright. Phoenix: What's so funny? I don't get it. Mia: Your name's Wright. Phoenix: Okay. Mia: So I said the word 'right.' Phoenix: Yeah. Mia: And then I said it twice. Phoenix: Mm-hmm. Mia: But one was the word and one was your name. It's funny. Phoenix: Still don't get it but proceed.
 * Mia: Is this a fucking game to you?! Payne: Well yeah, actually. It's Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations.
 * Grossberg: !!! [startled shout] Mia: You're looking at the comics, Grossberg... Grossberg: Garfield really startles me. That cat should not be able to walk on two legs like that! GET BACK ON YOUR FOUR LEGS, GARFIELD!
 * Dahlia: Lying is okay, right? Judge: Well, it's a common misconception here, I don't know why people think they can do that, but uh, no. But you're cute so it's fine.
 * Mia: But according to Mr. Wright's testimony, it was a sharp noise like 'KRSGHHTHSYGEBISIDNSJJADTFRTSSKKSTSHSHSKETTRSRTS' Payne: I don't think that's accurate. Mia: Don't you remember? That's what he said.
 * Payne: I'm hurt that you have such a low opinion of me, Ms. Fey. Mia: I mean, are you surprised though?
 * Mia: If it pleases the court, the defense would like to state its opinion. Judge: On what, Breaking Bad? Mia: No, we're busy right now.
 * Dahlia: I didn't think court would be so wacky. Judge: It's always like this.
 * Grossberg: As we used to say in the days of my youth, 'Go get her!' Mia: We still say that. Grossberg: I guess so. I just like to sound old. I'm actually 32.
 * Mia: Your Honor, if you'll allow me some latitude, I think I can establish relevance. Judge: I will only allow longitude. Mia: Well, I will accept longitude as well.
 * Payne: OBJECTION! Wh-What is the meaning of that cocky smile on your face, Ms. Fey!? Mia: If you let me finish talking, you don't have to object. Payne: We have a really bad habit of that around here. Mia: Yeah, I mean you're not the only one, I do it too, it's just-- Payne: I know, I've been meaning to talk about it. Mia: It's the culture, I mean you just did it, so we're all a part of this. Payne: We're all guilty. Judge: Guilty?! Guilty!! Mia: Aw, shit!
 * Mia: I'm afraid the defense has many more tricks up its sleeve today. Have you ever seen someone juggle three balls in the air together? I can do that. Payne: Whoaho, I haven't! Please, show me! Mia: I can't do it. I was wondering if you've seen it, I was just asking 'cause it sounds incredible.
 * Mia: You were forced to get rid of the container in a hurry, weren't you? And that's why you passed it on to someone that had nothing to do with this case! Some big dumb idiot walking by, some big dumbass that couldn't do anything right, someone you knew wouldn't be searched cause he's too dumb and ugly. Judge: You got a problem with this person? Who is this person? Mia: Mr. Phoenix Wright, of course. Judge: Now that you've said it, that makes sense.
 * Mia: Under the pretext of LOVE, which doesn't really exist, the witness gave my client a present. Judge: Damn that's... pessimistic. Mia: It's hard reality, your Honor.
 * Mia: Mr. Wright... Please! Open your eyes..! Phoenix: Okay, here. What, you have a surprise for me? Mia: No, I mean you're just closing your eyes, it's distracting. Please stay with us, Mr. Wright.
 * Grossberg: What in blazes are we supposed to do noooow!! CBA: I don't knoooow!! Grossberg: I wasn't asking yoooou! CBA: I was answering yoooou! Grossberg: It was rhetorical! CBA: But I wanted to answer yoooou!
 * Phoenix: Stop it! D-Don't talk about her like that! Phoenix PUSH! Sungwon: ROUND ONE! FIGHT! Mia: Is it true? Did you really take a stock off Professor Poison? Payne: That's ridiculous! It was a time battle! Phoenix: It was actually stamina.
 * Dahlia: Well then, Mr. Judge... I'll see you later too, OK? Judge: That's terrifying. Dahlia: "Don't go to sleep at night. Judge: I won't.
 * Mia: Thank you for everything, Mr. Grossberg. Well actually, you didn't really help at all, you just kinda said gross things. Grossberg: I did get the file for you, you ungrateful little punk. Mia: Wow. Okay. You're the one who lost it in the first place.
 * Mia: Oh! Sweet Little P Boy! Congratulations! Phoenix: One day I'll be a P Man, like Mr. Payne. Mia: You should get a new role model.
 * Mia: You need to relax a bit more. Try to grow up a little if you ever want to be a P Man. Phoenix: B-But... Out of all my friends, everyone says I'm the most grown up! And my only friend is Larry, so that's about right.

The Stolen Turnabout

 * Adrian: I wanted to do something nice for you and your friends, Mr. Wright. Phoenix: So that's why you arranged this exhibit? What a waste of time. Adrian: ...Okay. Well, this is an awkward conversation.
 * Maya: Now get up, Nick! It was stolen! By Mask[star]DeMasque! Our most valuable treasure... friendship. Phoenix: They stole friendship? Maya: Yeah, they stole our friendship! Now I'm your enemy! Phoenix: Well, I guess we gotta fight!
 * Gumshoe: Anyone who calls him an Ace anything would be a real dildo in my opinion! Phoenix: Heh, yeah, who would... I definitely, uh... [hides the cover of the game]... yikes. Hey Detective Gumshoe, let's change the subject!
 * Phoenix: I wonder if I should ask him about what happened last night in more detail. Or about why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 'cause I feel like this guy would know... Atmey: Umm, because of their... value? Phoenix: Is that why? That might be it. It sounds plausible.
 * Maya: Haven't you ever played wheel of Fortune? Phoenix: No, because Rat Sajak is gross. Maya: You met Rat Sajak. Phoenix: It was awkward. Maya: Yeah, it was really awkward actually, but we got a lot of money out of it. Too bad we blew it all on alcohol and gambling. Phoenix: And alcohol. Maya: Yeah, and more alcohol. You should have drank some of that alcohol. Phoenix: We just poured it on the street and lit in on fire. I mean, sometimes you just wanna watch the street burn.
 * Maya: Hey, I know! Let's take that framed picture back with us as a memento! Let's steal some shit! Phoenix: Don't you dare, Maya! Too ugly for our office!
 * Gumshoe: I finally beat him! I beat Mr. Ace Detective! Phoenix: To death?! Gumshoe: Uh, yeah. I probably shouldn't be telling you this.
 * Maya: ...Huh? I'm confused, where are we right now? Phoenix: ...Here. In the- what the fuck was it? Pelpepe? Maya: You don't even know. Phoenix: I don't know.
 * Phoenix: Something about Ron's behavior bothers me. And his hair, and his voice, and his outfit... Maya: Maybe it's ‘cause he just sucks.
 * Desirée: I know I may seem like a 'bad girl' on the outside, but the one thing I won't stand for is illegal activity. Maya: I had the feeling you didn't! You're tough... But I can tell you've got a good heart even though you outran the police, which you just openly admitted to like, two minutes ago. Desirée: I don't give a fuck, bitch. Maya: Okay. That's not legal.
 * [Bagel Cop plays the piano] Phoenix: Bagel Cop, that sounds wonderful. Bagel Cop: Thank you. I've been playing since I was like, ten. Phoenix: That sounds nice. Bagel Cop: Thank you. It's actually kind of my true passion. Phoenix: *sniffle* (I think I'm going to cry. I really want Bagel Cop to succeed.) Bagel Cop: I practice every day in my private time, but... Ron: Umm... I, err... I know you have a lot of work to do... because piano takes a lot of practice and daily... daily practice. I tried to learn once and I broke my fingers.
 * Phoenix: Hey uh Pearls, everything doesn't have to be strawberry. Pearl: Yes it does, bitch. Phoenix: Okay, I guess it does.
 * Maya: There are hardly any men in Kurain Village. [game shows picture of Kurain Village] Phoenix: Yeah, there are none that I can see. Maya: Yeah, you see any?
 * Maya: Turn on the lights, Nick. Phoenix (to himself): Maya's momma, Misty Fey... Maya: I know you're trying to set the mood but it's really distracting. Phoenix: The current master of the Kurain Channeling Technique. Maya: Turn the lights back on, Nick. Phoenix: She disappeared -shut up- seventeen years ago after getting involved in a certain police case. Maya: I mean, turn the lights on! Phoenix: I'm going over your past in my head right now!!
 * Pearl: I am sorry. Phoenix: Okay, but don't call me Starscream ever again. Pearl (small voice): Bitch. Phoenix: Megatron's fine- what-- Did you just call me bitch? Pearl: Well, I'm going out now for a little bit, bye bitch! Bye, bitch!! Phoenix: Huh!? Wh-where are you going..? Pearl: None of your business, bitch! Phoenix: Why don't you call me Nick, or Phoenix..?
 * Atmey: I refuse to allow anyone to interfere with the rightful pursuit of my prey. Phoenix: Are you going to eat him one day? Atmey: Oh I'm going to eat him, I'm going to vore him.
 * Maya: So, how do you do it? How do you break the Psyche-Lock thing? Punch it real hard? Phoenix: Well, you-- no, you present the Magatama to the person with the secret. Maya: Have you ever tried punching it real hard? Phoenix: I haven't, actually? Maybe I should...
 * Phoenix: I'm not sure why, but this Atmey guy is lying through his teeth. Atmey (with clenched teeth): Ner Irm nert. Phoenix: He can open his mouth a little more when he talks.